"You're financially irresponsible": Parents withhold $130,000 from daughter's bank account despite it being rightfully hers, she grapples with what to do

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jul 5, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

We all have something we have beef with when it comes to family. Whether your grandmother keeps insisting you give her grandchildren, your father keeps telling you to finally get a job, your mom incessantly tells you to make a dentist appointment before your teeth fall out, we all have that pressing trope that that one family member won't let go of. With my family I know I can't stand when my mom calls me about marrying my boyfriend. We've only been dating 3 months and it's all I hear! 

At the end of the day, we all know that the constant nagging, bothering, and messages from our family members are really just a testament to their love for us. They just care so much, so they keep bothering us about our lives, our feelings and our futures. Hopefully the disruptions are through a lens of love, and not through something else. Read the full story below for all the juicy details. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for asking my parents for the money they stole from my insurance settlement and then lied about?

    Cheezburger Image 10525453056
    via pixelshot / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (25F) got into a car accident with my family (mom, dad, and younger brother) which paralyzed me from the waist down when I was 15. My mom broke her femur and some ribs. My dad had a
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  • 03
    minor concussion and my brother had some minor abdominal bruising and was never admitted to the hospital. The accident was
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  • 04
    caused 100% by the other driver and as a result, led to an insurance settlement when I was 16.
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  • 05
    The community I lived in at the time was very generous and donated about $35k to help with my medical bills. I was also very
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  • 06
    fortunate to receive top of the line rehab at a couple out of state hospitals, and I'm sure cost quite a bit. My maternal grandparents also donated a ton of money to
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  • 07
    this rehab (probably close to $15k if I had to estimate). Since then my parents paid for my college with a 529 plan already established long before I was
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  • 08
    paralyzed. Thanks to the great medical care and college, I now live independently, work a decent job, and can afford all my bills for now.
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  • 09
    Because the driver who caused the accident was just an individual rather than a company, my parents elected not to sue the
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  • 10
    individual and to just take the auto insurance settlement. The problem is, my parents have changed their story about the
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  • 11
    settlement money countless times. At first they said all the money—including the portion of the settlement that didn't belong to me would go into some
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  • 12
    investment account that I could access at their discretion if I ever needed medical care. Then a couple years later when I was 19 and my brother was 17, they
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    Cheezburger Image 10525458944
    via Industrial Photograph / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 14
    purchased a second house down the road from them intended for my brother. My dad did it sort of impulsively but they justified to me saying they had spent a lot of
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  • 15
    money on my medical bills and it wasn't fair that my younger brother hadn't received as much time, money, or attention out of
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  • 16
    the whole ordeal. They rented it out for 4 years at a loss while my brother was in school.
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  • 17
    Meanwhile, I moved out on my own to another state immediately after graduating college and have been paying all of my own bills ever since.
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  • 18
    Fast forward to today, my brother has lived in the house for a year but it turns out they weren't planning to give him the house for free like they originally said.
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  • 19
    00 THE OF THE UNITED STATES OFAMERICA IN GOD WE TRUST FGathen of the Tony D 1230C 100 VE NOTE D HE D STATES RICA fe 471 100 TWC 254 FEDERAL RESERVE NOTE LF 59498772 F F6 OT UNITED STATES SYST CCCORD ПРЕССО INDENCE HALL ONE HUNDRED DO ONE BUDRED DOLLARS THE UNITED STATES OFAMERICA DEBTS GAL PUBLIC ANDER FOR A NOTE JULY 4. 1776 te C AND PRIVATE 100 love bunstific 00 ML 22181748F 22 DOLLARS 100 06 STON, D.C
    via benscripps from pixabay / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 20
    Apparently they wanted him to pay back the mortgage on it which he can't afford. He is now moving back in with them.
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  • 21
    I assumed the insurance settlement money had all been spent, but about a week ago my mom said they had "discovered" another medical account and that
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  • 22
    I could just ask them if I ever needed medical supplies and they would reimburse me. I asked if I could just have control over the money to invest for myself and
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  • 23
    how much money was there. It turns out the entirety of the insurance settlement for all my family members had been put tax-free in my mom's universal
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  • 24
    life insurance policy on the advice of their financial advisor. They said they didn't know how much money was there but that they planned to give me $10k/year for
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  • 25
    medical expenses and after they pass away they plan to make my brother in charge of distributing those funds to me. When I asked why they hadn't been doing that for the past few years, they
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  • 26
    claimed I was "financially irresponsible." My credit score is over 750, I have lived on my own since age 21, I've never missed a payment, I religiously track all expenses and income on
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    spreadsheets, I've never carried a balance on my credit card, and my partner and I have a net worth of over $40k. I understand I could
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  • 28
    theoretically do better, but I have never given anyone any reason to believe I was financially irresponsible.
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  • 29
    Initially I was thrilled but my partner was skeptical because my parents have changed their story about this money so many times. So I did some digging on the court cases to find that my
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  • 30
    parents had been appointed as my guardians by the court to manage my $130,000 settlement until I became an adult. My brother also received a $30,000 settlement. So this money has
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  • 31
    been commingled and was put in my parents' investment account rather than a trust or a UGMA account for me.
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  • 32
    I'm thinking of asking my parents and their financial advisor to correct their errors in the most tax-advantaged way possible because I no longer trust them. I plan to ask them to transfer to
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  • 33
    me the $130,000 plus any unrealized capital gains that have accumulated over the past 7 years. Considering the average performance of the S&P500 over the past 7 years, that $130,000
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  • 34
    should have more than doubled and $10k/year they promised would still allow them to profit off of my own insurance settlement for my spinal cord injury.
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  • 35
    I'm tired of my insurance settlement being in their fickle hands and I don't trust them to have my best interest in mind. I want to invest this money in a Roth IRA for my inevitable medical expenses I will have as I age as a wheelchair user.
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  • 36
    If they don't voluntarily comply, would I have a decent legal case against them? And AITAH for asking for this money as a lump sum?
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